How to heal from a broken heart

" A broken heart needs as much TLC as a broken bone," says Austin Ndegwa. 

" I have had what was most valuable to me and I watched it slip from my hands in a blink of an eye. I woke up one day to a message that anyone who is in love is afraid of that what we had was not good enough for her and she thought that going our separate ways was best. And I asked myself, how would breaking my heart be the best solution? And the most heart breaking part is that there was nothing I could say to change her mind. I felt like a knife was literally stabbing my heart. This left me with questions, I was wondering is it that I am not good enough? Am I not worthy of love? Do I have a personality disorder? And I was drowning in self defeating thoughts, I was willing to give up the whole world for her, no matter how unrealistic that sounds. 

Austin says he was in the relationship for a year and the future looked promising. 

" I have never understood why she left, could it be about something she heard?  Or did she find somebody better? I still haven't wrapped my head around the fact that it's over. This experience aroused emotions of rejection, humiliation, disconnection and disappointment but in the process of working on myself, I found relief, I had to not let my thoughts affect my feelings." 

Austin says that it was better if he knew the reason why the one he loved left him.

But he says that mending a broken heart takes self-compassion, it can't be rushed and might take time but it's possible.

Therapist Wangui Ndegwa gives the following tips for dealing with heartbreak:

01) Take time to grieve.

You need to feel the emotions as they come, without trying to suppress them. This process cannot be rushed, one can grieve for years, you just accept it and live with it. You need to take inventory of what patterns you might have taken into the relationship that no longer work. 

02) Honour instead of judging your feelings. 

It is important to note that your feelings are valid, this will help you to reframe your thoughts. 

03) Allow the emotions to flow. 

Whenever you feel like reminiscing, crying, talking about it or a feeling of sadness, you need to allow yourself to be honest and true to yourself, you can journal and meditate about it. 

04) Avoid activities, music and  people that remind you of your ex.

05. Block your ex if you need to

Make sure your digital presence reflects your newfound singledom. 

06)Make new friends and avoid mutual friends

 They might keep reminding you of memories that you all created, it can make you go back to the drawing board when you had already started forgetting some of the memories.

07) Express your needs to others and limit advice that you receive. 

You might need to tell your friends that you might not make it to a certain event because you are not in the right headspace. 

08. Make meaning of the break up. 

Some things happen in our lives because that is exactly how it was meant to be, holding on to something that wasn't meant for you will make you hurt longer that it was supposed to.