For teens who are glued to social media, this 4-step plan can help
The
holiday season is right around the corner, and for many that means more time
spent with family across generations. Before you demand that your children drop
their smartphone to talk meaningfully about gratitude at the Thanksgiving
dinner table, take a moment to consider what you're asking.
When
it comes to generational divides, it's hard to find one bigger than technology
use, especially social media. How to talk to teens
about technology use (and reduce it) is one of the most common questions I get
from parents in my child and adolescent psychiatry clinic.
Adults
worry that technology overuse is taking a toll on their children's mental
health. For teens, it's more complicated. Whether it's social media, gaming or
online chat forums, the digital landscape has become fundamentally integrated
into their everyday life.
Faced
with that conflict, I typically ask parents and caregivers not only how much their
kids are using technology, but how they are
using it and how that use is impacting their
headspace. Once we know the answers to those questions, we collaborate to find
solutions.
Rather
than try to fight the use and engage in a tug-of-war, families can focus ahead
of the holiday season on how they use
social media. Knowing that some social media use negatively impacts mental health,
families can together can shift to a social media strategy that supports teens'
social and emotional health.
It's
important that parents and caregivers spend some time in careful reflection in
partnership with teens. (Parents, don't try to do this alone.) Here's my
four-step framework to help navigate this new space together and make
productive, healthy changes:
Step
1: Help teens evaluate how they are using social media
Talk
about the quality of the content your children are consuming online. Is it generally
positive, like inspirational quotes or pictures of cute babies? Or is it
negative, like politically charged news or memes that make fun of certain
groups? All content is not created equal, and without intentionally and
critically evaluating which bucket the content falls in, it's harder to figure
out what to consume more of versus less.
Your
teens' pattern of use is just as important. Do they typically find themselves
on social media when they are feeling happy, down, bored or angry? Do they
scroll through social media to distract themselves from uncomfortable feelings
or to avoid doing homework that's been piling up into a mountain? What happens
when they step away from their device?
By
asking teens to reflect on the link between real life and when they pick up
their phone to open Instagram or TikTok, you might identify an underlying
problem that needs more attention, like anxiety. Or you could help them
identify better ways to cope with uncomfortable feelings, like calling a friend
or listening to music.
Step
2: Ask how social media use is serving them
This
is where it's time to ask your teens to be real with you about the impact of
social media on their mental health. Ask them how they feel after scrolling on
social media. Do they notice a difference in how they feel when they view one
type of content, like puppy videos or body-positive posts, versus another, like
heavily edited and unrealistic photos of influencers or content from someone in
a negative headspace?
Often,
teens will admit that the thought of breaking from social media makes them
incredibly anxious at first. But when they do separate themselves from their
device, they end up feeling better. It's not that surprising, as taking time
away from social media altogether can help you stay present in the moment in a
way that's helpful for your mood and overall mental health.
The
more links teens can make on their own between how they use social media and
how that usage pattern serves them or makes them feel, the more likely they
will be to want to make changes for themselves, if it's on their terms.
Step
3: Encourage teens to identify the changes they want
Ask
your teens if they want to change the way they are using social media right
now, and if so, how. Perhaps they have identified that they want to spend less
time on social media. Maybe they have noticed that they feel badly about
themselves after comparing their lives to those of others, and they wish the
content left them feeling better about themselves instead of worse. Whatever
the changes are, it's a good time to catalog them intentionally and set
specific goals.
It
can be especially helpful to focus on what they would get out of the changes.
Are they looking to gain some time back for more offline activities? Are they
looking to boost their mood or self-esteem? Are they looking for more authentic
connection and experiences?
It's
critical that your teen set their goals for themselves. It's how they will buy
into the process and likely follow through with any changes.
Step
4: List and commit to the steps needed to get there
Now
is the time to get concrete. What is it that needs to happen for your teens to
achieve their stated goals? Do they need to take screen-time breaks, or place
restrictions on their phone? Does the phone need to go into a basket at dinner,
or be left in the common space when it's bedtime?
Or
maybe they are happy with how much time they are spending online but want to
focus on what they are consuming. What accounts that make them feel bad do they
need to unfollow or block, and what types of accounts will they look to follow?
How will they approach spring-cleaning their feed? Will they replace five
negative accounts with five positive ones per day, or do they have another
method they'd like to try?
Some
teens have noted that disabling comments, making their accounts private, or
keeping their social media use within certain bounds, like particular hours of
the day, are helpful tricks to regaining some peace of mind.
With
a generation of digital natives sitting across the Thanksgiving table from
generations who grew up solely playing outside with the next-door neighbors, it
can feel like both parties are coming from different planets when it comes to
topics like technology and social media.
Rather than try to fight where teens are coming from, accepting that technology use is part of their way of life, and instead focusing on quality over quantity, will allow for more productive conversations. That's the space in which real, healthy change can happen.
Dr. Neha Chaudhary, child and adolescent psychiatrist, is chief
medical officer of BeMe Health and faculty at Massachusetts General Hospital
and Harvard Medical School.
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