Signs you're in a one-sided relationship and your partner is using you

Being in a relationship with someone should give the assurance of protection, emotional safety, understanding, love and care.

However, in some instances, it becomes a prison. 

Javin Wambui (not his real name) spoke to Wananchi Reporting about his experience. 

Many times we think that women are the ones going through abuse, but men also go through it, it's just that when we come out, we may seem as weak individuals in the eyes of society. 

My ex-girlfriend whom I dated for two years was very loving and charming in the honeymoon period of our relationship, there's nothing that she could do that seemed wrong to my eyes. 

She lived with her parents but I lived in my house; she would come to visit on some weekends. 

Things started turning sour when she told her parents that she wanted to move out to a place nearer to school (which was actually my place) and they agreed, they would send rent but we spent it on other bills. 

This decision seemed good at the time, but after a few months, things started turning sour when I felt like she no longer had any respect for me.

She always wanted me to do everything in the house and I would understand that because I am not entitled to expect her to do wifey duties, but I would have highly appreciated her help around. 

She used to go through my phone all the time, she was very insecure even though I had not given her a reason to.

She stopped being as loving as she used to, I began to see sides of her that I never thought I would. When she used to come over, she used to clean up after herself but now she became very lazy despite being the one remaining the home as I went to work. 

She would bring people over to my house - I had no problem with her hanging out with her friends, the problem was how they would leave the house messy and she did not even apologise for it. 

She would also beg me for money and anytime I told her I will delay providing, she would tell me how much I was less of a man.

I did not really feel bad even though my ego was being bruised, but this was disrespectful to me. I brought this issue to the table and she would act  sorry about it and give me reasons as to why she was doing that. 

I forgave her because I held on to the thought that she was the one I love and believed that she was going to change. I did not validate her actions and I tried to understand her. 

However, as time went by, I felt like this was too much, she never contributed to anything in the house, she would compare what her friend's boyfriends were doing for their girlfriends and expect me to do the same. 

She always wanted me to give her a lavish lifestyle that was way out of my ability. I had promised her a good lifestyle but I wanted her to understand that it takes time, I told her to stop giving into social media pressure because some of these people were faking it and it also takes a lot of hardwork to get there. 

She threatened to get 'wababaz’ if I didn’t provide what she wanted. It reached a point and told her that having her own money was better than depending on someone else's hardwork and it would also save her from a lot of disrespect. 

 I got drained and I decided to talk to her to finally end this relationship. 

I was willing to guide and support her to achieve her full potential, not just giving her the world, I wanted her to have a life of her own aside from what I wanted us to build, I knew she had a lot of potential since she had interests and talents that were very marketable.

 I was not willing to subscribe to always be the giver in a relationship without receiving even as little as love. When I told her this, she was very angry and lashed out at me, telling me how much I was inadequate.

She confessed that she did not love me ans all she wanted was the money, she said that she had already spotted someone better for her. These words broke my heart but I felt good knowing that I could finally be able to focus on myself and build my own empire, I wasn't very willing to give love a chance anytime soon but I knew that in my next relationship, I wanted someone who has a vision and is either willing to work towards it or already is, I am willing to spoil my girlfriend because that's my responsibility and also draw her closer to her dream. 

It took me time to realise that was emotional abuse but I am glad I realised my worth and finally let her go. 

My life is better now and I am focused on creating a future for myself.