How to deal with trauma

Life’s experiences can leave a lasting positive mark or scar, depending on what happened.

For Joan*, now in her early 20s, a childhood experience made her develop trauma. She narrated her experience to Wananchi Reporting: 

At the age of 11, I was living with my father as my mother worked abroad. My father employed a house manager to help take care of me. My relationship with her was fine. She used to prepare me for school but I barely had time to bond with my father since he was busy.

Over time, our house manager’s behaviour was unbecoming - she was too comfortable with no supervision. 

She wouldn’t take care of me as she was employed to do. I decided to take it as a normal experience since I was growing up and I would finally have to take care of myself. Sometimes she would be nice to me but at other times, she would be bad.  

One time I came home from school and she had organised a party at our house without my father’s permission. They were drinking and smoking – it was the first time I saw alcohol. She did not even notice my presence, I went straight to my room and tried doing my assignment for the day but the music was too loud.

One of her visitors came to my room and started having a conversation with me, he lured me to tasting what he was drinking, I did and I liked it so I continued drinking and the last thing I remember was us having a chit chat. When I woke up, I found myself naked and words cannot even explain how shocked I was, I also had a throbbing headache and I was excessively thirsty, I was still trying to figure out what happened, I cried so much. The shock, anger and regret was taking a hold of me.

I had to put myself together and prepare for school, I did not want to see or talk to anyone on that day, I began drifting from my friends and I had to escape reality and I figured out the only way that I could do that was by going back to what made me feel like that.

One time, I went to a certain local pub near school, he told me since I was not 18 years and above, I would have to give him some extra money and that was when I began stealing valuables from my father so that I could afford the liquor. 

When my father came back from his field work which would take him a few days, he realised that I was so distant and I would always look very disturbed but I used to tell him that I was just tired. I would go to my room and cry myself to sleep, I began to self-harm. I have a lot of scars from razor and knife cuts on my hands and thighs. It felt like seeing blood flowing from my skin was better than having to deal with the reality of what happened. 

I began to feel a lot of resentment towards men, including my father, I was asking myself where he was and why did all this happen to me at such a young age, I began to see myself as a useless person. 

The emotional state that I was in began to show on my physique, I became so thin, my eyes were always red and swollen, I preferred to wear baggy clothes since my self-esteem was badly damaged, I had no affection towards men, I preferred to drink alcohol and drown in my sorrows. 

My class teacher called me to her office and told me that she had observed me and knew that I was not okay. She created a safe space for me and I narrated everything to her, she had to call my father to school. He was so frustrated and sad since I did not opened up to him.  She was fired but I wish I had evidence of the act so that we could deal with matters legally. 

For people who have faced trauma, these are some of the ways one can deal with it:

01) Acknowledge the significance of the situation, take time to retrace the trauma steps and consider the event's situation no matter how uncomfortable it is. 

02) Focus on your physical health. 

When your mental health is under assault from trauma, you need to devote the energy and resources to psychological well-being. 

03) Practise mindfulness and meditation. 

04) Seek medical help. This includes therapy, when you can finally talk about your trauma, it is a step closer to healing. 

05) Do not rush the process. It takes patience and understanding, there will be setbacks, stay calm, positive and persistent. But you should view it as an opportunity. 

According to medicinenet.com, the types of trauma that exist include; 

Accute- occurs from a single incident.

Chronic- occurs from repeated or pro longed incidences such as domestic violence. 

Complex- this is exposure to varied and multiple traumatic events often invasive, interpersonal nature. 

Joan* says that she has to work on her alcohol addiction at such a young age, she still gets triggered by men. She encourages anyone trying to heal from trauma to protect their well-being and learn how to cope with triggers.

 *Name changed to protect the identity of the interviewee