OPINION: Freedom lies in getting to know yourself

In life, we will face great times and hard times. It is very important to realize that our life experiences are our present-day references as resilient and feeling human beings. It is very easy to forget all that you have been through as an individual because consistent challenging times that come with stressful stages have influenced your wellbeing.

The global economic status has been challenged by epidemics, poor leadership and governance, and individuals addicted to power who rule from a place of emptiness and not a conviction. Such global social and economic situations can immobilize our perspective leading to the inability to rise above our adversity and insight to analyze and process the pain that causes trauma in us.

Most of us are unknowingly trained to run away from agony, manage pain through medication, ignore the pain, and embrace “non-destructive” addictions that with time break our ability to relate with our mind, emotions, and soul.

These addictions are socially acceptable because their significance finds meaning in human accomplishments in a competitive society. They include being a workaholic, compulsive buying behavior, and excessive exercise addiction to look good according to the current social trend. We get into so much trouble while looking for compassion and most of the time we feel safe while on destructive paths.

Our social status and competitive nature have led us to a place where we have cut off our natural self-compassion and vital considerations that keep our minds and emotions healthy. This separation of what we do and who we are has been one of the greatest impairments as individuals, families, and society have suffered while seeking fulfilment in a compartmentalized society.

Who we are at home is not who we are in the office and it is considered normal to have different lives and values in different environments. As a way of reconstructing our way of living and aligning our existence, we need to emphasize that it is normal to be the same person in different environments and affirm that we don’t have to adjust our convictions of integrity as a way of seeking acceptance.

This is possible when we remind each other that, just because something is not working out does not mean that one is not a resilient human being worthy of care, love, and support. Such inconsistent conviction adjustments and experiences to fit in erode our ability to enjoy life, feel our pain, and end up bruising our hopes for restoration, dignity, and love. This can easily make us not think much of ourselves and more of how we should please the world.

In difficult seasons, our life is surrounded by demands and expectations that we can no longer feed and sustain. As a result, we get to acquire skills that numb or control pain and that is what we embrace as a way of life.

At this time, internally there is a scream that is so loud to you but silent to the world, and feeling guilty makes you criticize and resent yourself because you can no longer meet the needs of those at home, at work, and in school; in other words, your tasks are staring at your exhausted mind.

At this point, our identity is bruised and while at work, blaming yourself for every single thing going wrong even when it is clear that you are not responsible becomes your identity and source of fulfillment. A complicated background and fear of rejection make us flip the pages of our weaknesses as our negotiating language.

At home, at work, or in school we serve people with what demeans our ability because our prescribed role is to have everyone happy, and focusing on our weaknesses becomes our tool to reduce their expectations.

Internal conflict and emotional turmoil have been dominating the mind and encountering any form of hardship makes you wonder whether you will ever see the end of your current situation. Your salary, whether a good figure or one that needs adjustment from the human resource department, is no longer making sense to your reality.

This is because the kind of emptiness you are experiencing has clouded your sight of growth and unbearable pain birthing self-resentment. For your mental health, as one psychotherapist stated, if you face the choice between feeling guilt and resentment, choose the guilt every time. Guilt has the power to restore and bring recovery to the soul if the presenting opportunity is well taken care of.

When we miss guilt as a presenting opportunity, continued frustration because of self-resentment disempowers us to a point of feeling unable to assert ourselves in the face of abuse in our environments. When offended, abused, or intimidated, apologizing a lot to the perpetrator takes our minds to a place of feeling a lack of control in other areas of our life.

This becomes our acquired skill as a way of preserving ourselves instead of seeking freedom and healing of our mind, emotions, and relational abilities. When we have trouble sleeping or eating, our immunity is compromised, and withdrawing from others or isolating ourselves becomes a strategy of avoiding challenges because of fear.

This is also followed by a sense of becoming overwhelmed while trying to be perfect as a way of minimizing feelings of betrayal by our minds. The mind has endured internal tragedy and the inability to understand the self because of self-resentment, suppressing emotions, and avoidance of looking at the shadow side of our lives.

Life without exploration of our shadows makes us hang on a thread as depression sets in.  Since the journey has been one of trauma, being eager to please is the last blow to the caged soul and at this point, wounded-ness has made the heart give in and a vulnerable state is exposing your life to a dwelling of hopelessness, that place of thoughts dictating that our feelings will never end.

At this point, any form of help becomes a red flag because the difficult season coupled with unresolved sorrow makes you feel like you don’t deserve treats of kindness and love. We need to explore and journey towards emotional competence where we build the capacity to process pain, guilt, and feel our emotions so that we are aware when we are experiencing stress.