OPINION: Positive discipline in parenting - Raising responsible, respectful and resilient children

By CPA Carren Ageng’o

The debate on child discipline has recently taken centre stage in Kenya following a worrying rise in cases of student unrest, including incidents of school arson and other forms of indiscipline. These incidents have generated public concern and renewed calls for stricter disciplinary measures. While the concern is understandable, it is important to remember that both the Constitution of Kenya and the Children Act provide clear guidance on how children should be disciplined.

Article 53(1)(d) of the Constitution guarantees every child the right to protection from abuse, neglect, all forms of violence, and inhuman treatment or punishment. This constitutional safeguard, reinforced by the Children Act, prohibits corporal punishment and requires parents, caregivers, schools, and institutions to adopt positive, non-violent approaches that uphold the dignity and best interests of the child.

Discipline should not be confused with punishment. The purpose of discipline is to teach children self-control, responsibility, respect for others, and an understanding of the consequences of their actions.

Punishment, especially when harsh, physical, or humiliating, may create fear but often fails to build the values and decision-making skills required for responsible adulthood. Positive discipline, on the other hand, corrects behaviour while preserving the child’s self-esteem and strengthening the parent-child relationship.

Parents and caregivers play the most significant role in shaping a child’s character. The home is the first school, and parents are the first teachers. Long before children interact with teachers, peers, or the wider society, they learn values, attitudes, and behaviour from the adults around them.

Children who grow up in environments where honesty, respect, responsibility, and empathy are consistently demonstrated are more likely to exhibit these qualities in school and in society.

One of the most effective approaches to raising well-rounded children is positive parenting. This involves creating a nurturing environment where children feel loved, valued, and heard while understanding that actions have consequences. Children thrive when there are clear rules, predictable routines, and consistent expectations. Parents should communicate these expectations clearly and explain the reasons behind them. When children understand why certain behaviours are expected, they are more likely to comply willingly rather than out of fear.

Recognizing the importance of positive parenting, the State Department for Children Services is rolling out a robust Positive Parenting Programme aimed at strengthening parenting skills, promoting positive discipline, and supporting the holistic development of children. The programme seeks to empower parents and caregivers with practical knowledge and skills for nurturing responsible, confident, and resilient children.

Communication is at the heart of effective parenting. Many behavioural challenges arise when children feel misunderstood, neglected, or unable to express themselves. Parents should create opportunities for open and honest conversations with their children. Regular family discussions provide a safe space for children to share their concerns, fears, and aspirations. Such engagement allows parents to identify emerging challenges early and provide guidance before problems escalate into serious misconduct.

Consistency is equally important. Children need boundaries and structure. Rules should be applied fairly and consistently, regardless of circumstances. When expectations constantly change or consequences are unpredictable, children become confused and may test limits. Consistent parenting helps children understand accountability and builds trust in parental authority.

Parents should also embrace non-violent corrective measures when addressing misconduct. These may include withdrawing privileges, assigning age-appropriate responsibilities, requiring restitution for wrongdoing, or implementing reasonable and proportionate consequences. Such measures help children connect their actions to outcomes of the actions while learning responsibility and accountability.

Positive reinforcement is another powerful parenting tool. Parents often focus on correcting mistakes while overlooking opportunities to acknowledge good behaviour. Children are more likely to repeat behaviours that are recognized and appreciated. Praising honesty, responsibility, kindness, and effort can significantly boost a child’s confidence and encourage positive conduct. Recognition does not necessarily require material rewards; words of encouragement and affirmation are often more effective and sustainable.

Parental presence and involvement cannot be overstated. In today’s fast-paced world, many parents struggle to balance work and family responsibilities. However, children require more than material provision. They need emotional support, guidance, and meaningful engagement. Spending quality time together, taking an interest in children's daily experiences, participating in school activities, and monitoring friendships help strengthen family bonds and provide opportunities for mentorship.

The digital age presents additional parenting challenges. Social media, online content, and peer influence can shape children’s attitudes and behaviour in profound ways. Parents must therefore remain actively involved in their children’s digital lives by setting reasonable limits on screen time, monitoring online activities, discussing internet safety, and teaching responsible use of technology. Open dialogue about digital influences helps children develop critical thinking skills and resilience against harmful content.

Parents should also recognize that discipline is most effective when accompanied by emotional support. Children experience stress, anxiety, disappointment, and frustration just like adults. Some behavioural challenges may be symptoms of deeper emotional or psychological difficulties.

Rather than responding solely with punishment, parents should seek to understand the underlying causes of behaviour and provide appropriate support. Where necessary, guidance from teachers, counsellors, religious leaders, or child welfare professionals should be sought.

Children learn not only through instruction but also through observation. Parents who demonstrate self-control, honesty, respect, and peaceful conflict resolution provide powerful examples for their children. It is difficult to expect children to manage their emotions appropriately if they regularly witness aggression, hostility, or disrespect within the home. Positive role modelling remains one of the most effective forms of discipline.

As the nation grapples with concerns about youth behaviour and school unrest, there is a need for collective responsibility. Schools, religious institutions, community leaders, and government agencies all have important roles to play. However, sustainable solutions begin at home. Parents and caregivers remain the foundation upon which children's values, attitudes, and behaviour are built.

The goal of discipline is not merely to raise obedient children but to nurture responsible, confident, compassionate, and resilient citizens. Positive discipline strengthens parental authority by building mutual respect, trust, and understanding. Through non-violent parenting, open communication, clear boundaries, and consistent guidance, parents can contribute significantly to the balanced development of children and help shape a generation capable of making responsible choices for themselves and for society.

A disciplined child is not one who fears punishment, but one who understands responsibility, respects others, and is guided by strong values. That journey begins at home.