'My best friend tried to steal my love interest': Signs you are in a toxic friendship

They say that what informs you, forms you. It's vital to beware of the people inside your circle, some people will ask you how you're doing, but it's not because they care, they just want to find the next topic to gossip about. 

June found this out the hard way. She narrated to Wananchi Reporting her experience in a toxic friendship: 

I had this close friend that I could tell almost everything that's happening in my world and she also did the same. I once shared about a certain gentleman in our class that I found attractive and with time, I developed interest in him. 

I did not see anything wrong with her asking me details about him like where he lives. To me, it seemed normal and I never suspected anything. 

We shared beautiful moments together, and most people would envy our friendship. One day I needed to use her phone to message someone else and I saw her messages with my 'crush' talking about how I am not a good person, I have a variety of men in my life and how she is better than me. 

I decided to let it slide and I acted like nothing ever happened. I began to distance myself from her because anytime I looked into her eyes, I realised how much I had started hating her. 

She kept on asking me why I had distanced myself from her. I decided to open up to her but she gaslighted me into thinking that I was the one with evil thoughts about them. I asked her why she was speaking negatively about me and she said that she wanted to do reverse psychology on him to see his response. 

She apologized and I forgave her since we had agreed that no man would come in between our friendship. 

June says that after that incident, she felt the need to analyse their friendship and she recounts some moments which she realized that she was in a toxic friendship” 

She was reliable on days that I needed her the most, but when I needed to make merry and spend money she would definitely make an appearance. 

Anytime when we had disagreements, she would convince me into thinking that I was wrong.

Also , she would sometimes make comments on my shoes or the way that I've done my make up and just laugh about it, that made me feel bad because if you really want the best for someone, you will definitely correct them with love. 

Sometimes she would borrow money and promise to refund it, but when I asked her about it, she would tell me to stop nagging her because of petty cash. 

It always seemed like we were in a competition when it comes to dressing and figuring out life; whenever I did a hairstyle that she had already done, she would jokingly say that I copied her, I did not have an issue with emulating her, so I did not make a big deal out of it. Whenever she asked me for a favour and I wasn't in the capacity to help her, she would get so  angry at me but later apologize about it. 

I felt like she took any chance that she got to belittle me so that she could feel like she was better than everyone else. Despite all this, I hadn't realised that she was toxic until I started interacting more with other people.

I never mentioned to her that I needed space but I began being unavailable and out of reach. 

June says that after setting boundaries, she then realised that she was only good enough for her friend when she had something to offer. 

The only way out of toxic relationships is choosing yourself. If you don't succeed in making your friend realise how her characters are making you feel, some people might be doing it unknowingly, but most of the times, they know exactly what they are doing. 

My perspective about issues began to change when I finally felt like I was socializing with the right people. I am more careful about who I let into my space and I guard my peace at all costs