Stop biting your tongue: How to speak perfect 'Shembeteng'

If you're a frequent social media user, you're probably already aware of the new-in-town, jaw-dropping sheng spin off: ‘shembeteng’

All of Nairobi's sheng-speaking experts and wannabees are warming up to it, albeit slowly, as if in a race to be first on the 'cool squad-red carpet.'

Every time you take a 'work break' to skid your fingers over your phone, I'm sure you come across at least one, if not more, of those ever confounding words.

The new lingo in town has been baptized 'Shembeteng' by those who swear by it, and their numbers are growing on a daily basis.

And now that it's sent Nairobi's ever-changing fashion trends into overdrive, here's how to speak crisp Shembeteng.

Though we know it sounds like Greek, because there is no reason for anyone to substitute ‘nakulombotov’ for ‘I love you’, the new spin-off, unlike Greek is pretty easy to grasp and use.

All you need are a couple of phrases which you can insert into any word, and turn into into the shembeteng patois.

The language follows five different variations of the usual vowels in the format of: Mbata, Mbete, Mbiti, Mboto, Mbutu.

All you need to do is add either Mbata, Mbete, Mbiti, Mboto or Mbutu into existing words to completely change how they sound.

The Mbata, Mbete, Mbiti, Mboto or Mbutu take cue from a preceding vowel in any word;  like 'Mbiti' will follow the vowel I, 'Mbutu' follows the vowel U and so on and so forth.

Take ‘Shembeteng’ for instance, the vowel in the Original word ‘Sheng’ is ‘e’. So the ghetto vowel to use is 'Mbete'.

Here are other examples, so that you can breeze through this new sensation, easy peasy.

Love. Vowel O- Ghetto Vowel 'Mboto'; Lombotove.

Kiasi. Vowel A - Ghetto Vowel 'Mbata'; Kiambatasi.

Kuja. Vowel U. - Ghetto Vowel 'Mbutu'; Kumbutuja.

Cheza. Vowel E - Ghetto Vowel 'Mbete'; Chembeteza.

Congratulations, now that you are feeling like Archimedes, with this Eureka moment, having made such tremendous progress so soon into a new language.

Ps: Shembeteng cannot be applied to people's names.­­­­­