When money causes a couple to break up

Building a successful relationship requires intentionality in all aspects, including managing of money. 

It has been said that familiarity breeds contempt, and someone who knows this all too well is Ann Wambui.

She spoke to Wananchi Reporting about her experience handling money in a relationship and the lessons she has picked:

When we started dating, we had a sort of 'come we stay' situation since I was still in college and I did not have a reliable source of income. My boyfriend had invested in crypto currency. I used to do promotion jobs over the weekend for major events as a part time job, but they had to come to a halt during the COVID-19 period since social gatherings were banned. Little did I know that this was the begining of a long journey. 

When I was still working, it was quite easy to pay our bills since we shared a financial plan and budget, I would chip in whenever I could but he believed that men were supposed to provide.

One day I had an argument with my boyfriend and he told me that my work was to just sit pretty while he was working and that statement broke my heart because I never knew he had an issue with providing, I felt bad that I wasn't able to chip in but that did not validate him throwing such words at me. Later on he apologized with flowers and a romantic date and as gullible as I was, I forgave him considering that I was a bit desperate but I knew deep down within me that I had to figure something out for myself.

Ann says she realized she had never had a judgement and criticism free discussion concerning their financial priorities, plans and goals. 

One day I was in the supermarket shopping for utilities and my personal necessities, when I reached to the counter, the bill went above the budget and I had to call my boyfriend. After he finally picked his phone, he told me that I was disturbing him while he was working and that he does not have money to facilitate my luxurious lifestyle and he immediately hang up, I could feel my heart break, I began to sweat, having social anxiety, I was certain that everyone could tell what was going on , with my voice trembling and me trying to take back my tears, I told the attendant to remove some things from my shopping. That embarrassment was honestly too much to bear.

Ann says that this was  an eye opener to her and her boyfriend did not see a big deal about the matter, he began to come late, overspend with his friends on food and drinks and whenever I asked him, he would say that since he's buying everything with his money, I had no right to question him. 

I began to lose my worth in that relationship since I had to ask for money to even buy airtime- this to him was petty cash and he would constantly disregard me. I had to snap out of it and I knew that making mistakes at a young age is fine since you still have time to make things right, I knew it would not be easy, but it had to be possible and I began by ending therelationship. 

Having your own money will save you a lot of disrespect.

Although the dynamics are different for dating and married couples, people in relationships need to deal with money to avoid pitfalls.  

According to tips offered online by Susan Weiner, an investment analyst and writer, following certain steps can help when it comes to money management:

01) You need to have a frank conversation on where you stand financially, this helps the both of you to make a financial plan. 

02) Set short and long term priorities. 

03) Have an individual savings account, even if you decide to also have a joint one

04) Have passive income. 

05) Divide responsibilities fairly - it is logical that the one with the most income pays most of the bills 

06) Do not ignore personality differences – one person might be a spender and the other a saver