Retirement Regrets: The price of neglect and promiscuous spouses

Last week, my friends and I were discussing our post-retirement days.

A friend of mine told me how he no longer sees eye to eye with her father after accusing him of neglect and unfaithfulness during his working days.

However much we tried to convince him to reconcile with the older man, his answer was a big no.

In addition, there has been an avalanche of many older men whose spouses left them with children, who now have to start a single life again at sunset days.

Is the confession of my friend towards his father a mirror reflecting the delayed consequences of choices made by men many years ago towards their families.

Power is transient: avenging the pain of neglect and promiscuous spouses: While the old model for men where they lived in the cities working while leaving their spouses in children is becoming a thing of the past, they say old habits die hard.

My friend explained to us how his father sometimes took five years without visiting them in the village. Today, there is a silent revolution among older women toward this model.

They’re quietly rewriting their life scripts, choosing solitude or distant families over loveless marriages experienced during the prime days of their men.

By digging into the trauma of my friend, he told me stories of his mother, who lived for decades being an emotional wife alongside their absent father.

The concept of masculinity in modern marriages requires a fundamental shift.

The traditional approach, where authority was maintained through dominance, discipline was enforced through aggression, and respect was rooted in fear, has left a legacy of emotional scars.

This outdated framework has contributed to generational trauma, leaving many men disconnected and isolated.

Today, masculinity must be redefined—not as a role of control or mere financial provision, but as one centred on emotional presence, mutual vulnerability, and meaningful partnership.

The days of silent endurance are fading, making way for a new era where true strength lies in connection and empathy.

While I agree that life balances the equation of life just like a “chemical equation” for those who did chemistry subject, those men who lived such lives are now facing the paradox of life—physically and emotionally absent in their families’ lives during their hay days.

This phenomenon knows no social class, whether filthy wealth or abject poverty.

You will find a wealthy single man living in a vast estate and a retired teacher in his rural home as they will tell you the same story of post-retirement solitude as the price of their prime day’s errors.

What is the way forward?

First, consistent communication and emotional connection are among the best solutions for men leading families in today's world.

In addition, the world is increasing female empowerment, and the power dynamics are constantly shifting dramatically as they need a space for their opinion to be considered.

Old strategies like having many families and polygamy will never solve the emotional disconnection as it only compounds the problem.

Second, as a man, you must deal with inter-generational trauma. Never allow your kids to grow up watching your wife suffer in silence—whether from neglect or violence.

Remember, kids have a natural connection with the mother than you as the father. The children will take your wife away and subject you to abject solitude in the olden days.

You must be present in the lives of your children and make their mother a queen to prevent them from taking their mother away as a solution to the freedom-at-last coronation.

Third, not all marriages are destined for failure. Many elderly couples genuinely cherish their later years together, and their secret lies in decades of intentional effort—navigating life’s highs and lows as true partners.

These men didn’t just show up for the milestone celebrations; they were there for the quiet, uneventful days and the difficult moments that tested their commitment.

Finally, in a time when women have more independence and choices than ever, men must recognize that a lasting marriage demands more than financial support and occasional presence.

It requires emotional investment, unwavering partnership, and courage to be vulnerable.

That seemingly ordinary family dinner tomorrow? It’s a small but crucial deposit into an emotional savings account that you’ll one day rely on. Men make every moment with your family count before it is too late.

Dr. Odhiambo, Ph.D. is an Outstanding Actuary in Academia Award Winner and teaches Actuarial Science at Meru University of Science and Technology (MUST). He is an AI Researcher and a Public Policy Analyst.
Email: joabodhiambo2030@gmail.com
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