How to identify red flags in a relationship

Friday Wood spoke to Wananchi Reporting about his experience in a relationship with red flags:

At the beginning of the relationship, it's a bit rosy because both of us were trying to blend in with each other, there was love bombing, but it wasn't with bad intentions. We were two months into dating. I loved this girl despite the fact that we somehow differed in personalities.

She used to love going out with her friends and come back late, I warned her about coming home late because of her safety and I genuinely did not like that behaviour, whenever she came too late, she was drunk and this would often disturb my sleep. In the heat of the moment, we would exchange words.

From my perspective, I was being caring, but she later told me that I was being controlling and we talked about it and agreed that she would minimize her time outside. 

Friday says that there are times when he wasn't financially stable to give his girlfriend the lifestyle that she is used to, but whenever he spoke about it and asked his girlfriend to be patient, she would belittle him. 

She would make me feel bad for not being able to cater to her wants (not needs).

I thought that in relationships, your partner should also be a contribution to your growth and will be willing to understand your worst moments.

However, she would disrespect and disregard my opinion whenever I talked to her about anything that she did wrong. 

I would find myself passing aggression to her since most of the times she was my main stress factor. On most times, week we had disagreements, she would go to spend time with her male friends, I think she would do it intentionally because she would post about it. I did not have a problem with her male friends, but I did not like how the friends would cross boundaries like letting her sleep over there, I felt bad as well because I had not created a safe space at home but that did not validate her disrespect towards me. When I brought up this issue, she would say that I am excessively possessive and yes I was because I knew the value of what I have. 

Friday says that he saw red flags from her as well because she would highly disregard his concerns saying that he was a narcissist. 

I also noticed that she was not thrilled by my successes, whenever I got a deal or did something that is commendable, I did not feel her applause and I thought maybe it wasn't an achievement to her but I realised she was never interested in what I blossom in, I did not feel her support and encouragement. 

She would easily threaten me that she would break up with me after having a misunderstanding and I would find myself apologizing even when I wasn't wrong. 

One day we decided to talk about it, we came to a conclusion that this relationship wasn't going anywhere since we both have a lot to work on, we amicably resorted to breaking up.

 Ever since we broke up, we talk once in a while and I am glad we came to that conclusion because both of us are growing separately. 

I am glad that we did not go to the next level with this behaviour that we had, as soon as you realise a red flag that you can't stomach, it's best to speak it out and let go.

Let your partner know that there are deal breakers that you cannot tolerate, avoid commitments, like having a child until you're sure that it's a good dynamic.

It's important for both of you to have emotional intelligence and give your partner feedback if he changes on bad behaviours that you have pointed out.

Also choosing the right words and time to address an issue goes a long way.