Men’s conference: The uncomfortable truths and how accountability will make us better

When the idea of a ‘men’s conference’ was introduced, its major goal was not to bring men together for a course but to take them away from girlfriends and wives. It is not a coincidence that the event is marked on Valentines day.

For years, the men's conference was nothing more than a social media trend and an imaginary event where men claim to escape so as to avoid Valentine's Day expectations such as gifting their spouses and partners.

But this February 14, 2025, we flipped the script. For the first time ever, we gathered real men for a real men's conference. We came together to confront our responsibilities as men.

Taking the centre of the debate was the brutal killing of women – femicide. Last year alone, we saw the highest number of women killed on record. The AfricaDataHub documents that 170 women were killed in Kenya. These are only the reported cases, what about those that go unannounced?

This is a fact we should all be horrified by as so many conversations about violence against women are still dominated by women’s voices alone. How then can men add their voices?

We came together because if men are the primary perpetrators of violence against women, then men must play a role in stopping it.

Abel Mutua’s perspective

I have been in plenty of rooms filled with men. But the 2025 Mens Conference was different. I’ve never seen a room packed with men, all willing to be vulnerable.

All ready to put aside ego, to speak honestly, to reflect on how we can do better. It was powerful. It was necessary. And it was long overdue.

When I posted a video about holding your boys accountable, I thought I'd get roasted. Instead, my DMs exploded. Men wanted to talk, they were ready to talk.

They wanted a real conversation. We needed a REAL men's conference. As I hosted the discussions, I expected resistance. I expected excuses.

What I saw instead were men who wanted change and to do better for themselves and their boys. Men shared stories of regret – moments they stayed silent when they should have spoken up.

They asked hard questions:

• What do you do when your friend crosses a line?
• How do you challenge harmful behaviour without losing friendships?
• How do we make the world safer for women?

This wasn’t a room full of men dodging responsibility on Valentine's day. It was a room full of men eager for things to be different. And for the first time, I saw that change is possible.

A perspective of Isaya Evans

Last November, this issue became painfully personal for me.

On November 2, 2024, I lost a former colleague, Lilian, to femicide. Her death wasn’t just another statistic. It was real. It was devastating. It was a reminder that this crisis isn’t something that happens to other people - it can affect any of us.

That’s why, when Abel approached me, I couldn’t say no. One of the moments at the Conference that struck me was when men started asking: How do we actually hold each other accountable?

The answer we heard from the men in the room: “Safisha Rada.” It was simple but powerful. It’s a way for men to speak up without hostility. A way to say, “Bro, that’s not okay,” without turning it into an attack. A way to hold your friends accountable while keeping the brotherhood strong.

How Pushing Each Other Made Us Better

Working together on this project challenged both of us. We had difficult conversations. We pushed each other to rethink our approaches.

But that’s the whole point - this work isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being willing to unlearn, to listen, and to step up. And that is what made this experience so powerful. This Conference showed us that when men come together, incredible things can happen.

Where do we go from here? One conference won’t solve this crisis overnight. Change happens in everyday moments. When your boy makes that sexist comment - don't laugh it off. When you see something sketchy at the club - step in. When it's easier to look away - that's exactly when you need to speak up. Being a “good man” is not enough if we ignore the harm happening around us.

Leadership means stepping up, even when it’s uncomfortable. So we leave you with this challenge: Next time you see something wrong, don't just shake your head. Speak up. Step in. Say, Safisha Rada. Because if not us, then who?

Men must speak up. Men must step in. Men must Safisha Rada.

Abel Mutua & Isaya Evans are renowned actors and film directors in Kenya with multiple accolades in the film and entertainment industry.