KAIKAI'S KICKER: Fake certificates - Give DP Gachagua the microphone!

On my kicker tonight, I have a plea to make; just pass that microphone to Deputy President Rigathi Gachagua. Yes, give it right back; you see, on Wednesday last week, that microphone was in the circumstances, in the grasp of a safe pair of hands…

DP Gachagua styles himself as “truthful man.” And for Kenyans sick and tired of the country’s rapid slide to the republic of the fake, Gachagua’s moment on the microphone was, well, uplifting.

What a moment! What jitters! Such discomfort. Was this a hit or a close shave! Well if fake certificates, fake degrees in government bothers you, then this moment at the Bomas of Kenya must be morbidly pleasurable. Gachagua flew low and shaved real close; pointing in the direction of purported holders of fake certificates. He told the President that some fake certificate holders are Governors and others are government departmental heads and that the fake qualification holders sat in front of him, by his side and others, just close by in the dais. Now, Gachagua, cut it really close. And then he promised the President that he will provide him with the list of those holding fake certificates.

Which is why tonight, I urge that DP Gachagua be given the microphone to complete his job. And as he does that, he should remember that it is his sworn duty to assist the President as per the oath of office. He cannot delegate that list to Musalia Mudavadi as he suggested. Let him get back to the mic and take it away!

Typical of Kenyans, Gachagua’s Bomas missile sparked a wave of speculation. As usual, a bulk of those speculating preferred to pretend to be strangers in Jerusalem. They pretended they never heard how Jesus turned water into wine and how a prominent Nairobi politician somehow converted a purported Actuarial Science degree supposedly from a Kenyan university into a Cana of Galilee version of a degree from a university in Uganda! That was in 2022 in Cana; sorry, in Nairobi. The strangers in Jerusalem are also pretending to forget they ever heard of an epic electoral battle in Kiambu that came down to a contest over the authenticity of academic papers from a university in India or was it Pakistan – the disputed Kashmir maybe?

I know there is so much to say about the damage fake certificates and fake fertilizer is doing to this country; but I choose the narrow logical path tonight which is focusing on the high table and letting Rigathi Gachagua do his thing! He has already leaked out some of the designations. We heard there are Governors and departmental heads. The count to Gachagua’s 10,000 fake certificate holders should begin right inside the big tent, the high table, the presidential dais. So, to Deputy President Gachagua, mic up...take it away.