Wamunyoro: How DP Gachagua's sensational media brief lit up the internet and wowed Kenyans

Like 'Karumaindo', rarely do people expect such vacuous names to actually belong to any real thing - or to mean anything substantial to anyone.

Enter Rigathi Gachagua. On a televised address to the nation, where the Deputy President dragged Kenyans through a rabbit hole of his complex financial dealings and hefty inheritances, Kenyans would quickly learn that Gachagua actually did start a company called 'Wamunyoro' which, he claimed, was the window to his fortunes - back when the country was actually economically functional.

Admist a backdrop of corruption accusations, and a scary impeachment hovering over his head, Gachagua brought out an arsenal of evidence, masterfully laying it all out on television, one sheet after another, taking Kenyans through a masterclass on self-preservation and political absolvement.

Many who watched the rambling address, which strenuously dragged on for a staggering three hours and more, praised the Deputy President for his apparent prior preparation and his astute, almost lawyer-like aptitude at arguing out his case and mercilessly flooring his accusers.

From the moment the media brief kicked on, something was apparent - the Deputy President did not come to play and he was sufficiently prepared to knock down the allegations even if it meant repeatedly mentioning his late brother and peppering his onslaught with a few wimpish mourns of a dejected family man.

While he did, for the most part, appear ready to battle and annihilate his detractors, most of Gachagua's speech, to many, came off as a cringey spectacle from a man who was self-indulgently sorry for himself.

However, things started getting a little spicy - and dizzying - when the DP started name-dropping some of the million-dollar properties he owned - and how he managed to get a hold of them.

Absolving himself from any criminal culpability, Gachagua traced most of his millions, and concrete possessions, to his late elder brother, Nderitu Gachagua, former governor of Nyeri.

Kenyans would then be pleasantly shocked at just how wealthy the elder Gachagua was, as his younger brother, now the deputy president, spilled out the contents of the elder Gachagua's deathbed Will, and even apologising for disturbing the spirit of a dead man, for such an evidently frivolous exercise.

While using a punctured voice and wearing a resentful countenance, Gachagua asked for forgiveness from his dead kin, outrightly blasting his foes for such outrageous callousness.

"I take this opportunity to ask for forgiveness from my late brother James Nderitu Gachagua that today as your younger brother defends himself he’ll defile your privacy by distributing your will that you wrote in privacy. How unfair, how cruel can you be to a dead man?" he said.

He then went on - furnishing the world with the intricate details of his late brother's Will, the staggering amounts some of the hotels were sold for, the percentages he was asked to keep, the millions he would occasionally pocket... the revelations just did not seem to stop.

"Yaani Gachagua has talked about his wealth for over two hours now. I can't even talk about my bank account for more than three minutes!" someone quipped on X.

As the hours wore on, Gachagua's pleadings started looking like an overly-scripted telenovela, where the protagonist has to battle not romantic but financial adversaries and where, at the culmination of time, all is laid bare and there is a resounding comeuppance.

Amidst the supplications, delivered immaculately and calculatedly, Gachagua would mention a billion here, and a billion there, leaving many dumbfounded at just how wealthy some of the folks in our leadership echelons were.

And, sometimes, just at the right juncture, Gachagua would throw in subliminal attacks, some aimed at his boss, The President, and some, at the chaps alongside who he runs the country - once again, scoring highly with Kenyans, with many egging him on online and rooting for his penchant to tell the truth and scatter State secrets.

When he confirmed that he made his money during Kibaki's era, when "things were working", he almost broke the internet, with many teetering at the edges of their seats, hanging onto his every word... some amused, others bemused.

Then came the thunderclap. Towards the end of his spirited self-defence, Gachagua made sure to leave no corner untouched. Like a wicked arson, intent on razing down the entire castle, he quipped: "After this impeachment, I want the members of Parliament to now focus on the corruption scandals around our country. The Adani scandal... The issues in the public health sector... the glaring theft of public resources..."

Watching Gachagua last night, one could see a man who had done his homework on how to dazzle a TV audience - a man who, even when besieged from all corners, wowed many with his unflappability and yet, firm takedowns of his adversaries.

It was like Reality TV - complete with the drama, the suspense, the perfect scripting and, yes, even the mess.

As the curtains fell, Kenyan online had arrived at one conclusion - this is not your everyday Gachagua, who retreats to the villages to spew tribal rhetoric and whip up the masses in a language they understood best, this was a freshly-baked Gachagua; a thoroughbred politician raring to go.

His billions aside, and the complex labyrinth of how he made them, Gachagua came off as a fighter ready to swing a sword or two - and one who, when there's no option left, is ready to sink the whole ship and gleefully watch his foes drowning in the tempest of their own spite.