My husband left me for my friend five days after I gave birth - Stella Muthoni

For many people, the decision to get divorced after years of marriage and sacrifice is one of the toughest they will ever make. Trouble in Stella Muthoni's marriage began four years after she gave birth to her first-born child.

According to her, everything was going well for her family until the day her husband started getting into questionable debt and consulting church leaders on matters business and their personal lives.

In a candid conversation on Citizen TV’s ‘Shajara na Lulu’ show on Friday, Muthoni noted that her ex-husband was so heavily religious that it hindered him from performing his family duties and responsibilities.

“He would not make any decision before consulting the church leaders, he would take loans without informing me or having a proper payment plan. I did not have a voice on the matter, the church took over almost everything in our life,” she narrated.

Although the couple was living in the same house, they were heading on different directions. Things got worse for the family during her second pregnancy, a period she describes as dark and exhausting, and one she wishes to erase from her memory.

“He abandoned me and would disappear for days saying that he is on a church mission. He would tell me that he doesn’t want me in his house, noting that we were not compatible we would never be the partners that each of us needed,” she recalled.

Soon thereafter, she discovered that her husband was spending the night at her friend’s house.

“I found out through a neighbour and my child once told me that they would visit her place after church service. I remember my child telling me that this woman would take care of them once she leaves,” she narrated.

The two drifted further apart, with Muthoni saying none of it was easy or painless. According to her, marriages don’t deteriorate overnight; there’s often a gradual decline that leads to an eventual breaking point and makes divorce inevitable.

“My husband came back home from Mombasa and informed me that he was waiting for me to give birth so that I could leave him. That night, he hit our child for no reason, I tried to reason with him unsuccessfully, I knew my marriage was over that very night,” she said.

The days that followed after leaving the hospital with their second child were full of insult and ridicule; a horrifying moment of clarity, according to the mother of two.

“We did not have food in the house and I relied on the neighbours, he would insult me and use heavy words. Two days after giving birth, he booked a car to transport me back to my parents’ house. I travelled to my aunt’s place in Mwea with my five-year-old child and left the other one with the father,” she said.

Muthoni started working as a domestic worker to cater for her herself and the new-born; six months later, she reunited with her husband after he asked for reconciliation.

“He asked for forgiveness and assured me of having ended the relationship with the other women. Using our savings, we revamped our failed business and they were all successful. My biggest desire was to see our marriage work and I put in a lot of work,” she said.

A few months afterwards, he went back to his usual self and having had enough, Muthini could not stand it anymore.

“He had another affair...a close friend of mine that I confided in so many times, we even prayed together over my marriage. Later is when I realized that she was having an affair with my husband. My husband divorced me and married her,” she narrated.

“I am struggling with my children, I hope and pray their father will one day take care of them but in the meantime, I appeal for help from well-wishers.”

Today, she notes that through her marriage, she has learnt that it is important to know someone before getting married. Muthoni says that for now, she has no intentions of getting married again.