Why people may seek period of solitude; Does it help?

Human beings love to spend their time with family, friends, pets. Even when alone physically, many would love to talk to people on phone, or scroll social media pages connecting with the world behind their walls.

Not everyone likes to spend time alone. Whether out of need for socialization or because they are scared of facing their realities – alone.

Many prefer spending time with friends, watching a movie, playing video games or just doing any other thing.

However, some might want to be alone, enjoy solo time relaxing, unwinding or when finding clarity on issues they are facing.

Solitude is a state of being alone or being in isolation. In solitude, people sit with themselves, they move out of the social spotlight into a mode where they can pay close attention to their internal energy and insights.

It is time when the main focus is on getting centered and in sync with oneself, not keeping up with the chaos of the world.

People choose solitude for different reasons. Some choose it to either separate themselves from social dependency or find emotional balance. Others choose it to tame stress levels or have self-evaluation among other reasons.

Peter,27, says that he chose to commence his solitude journey in order to separate from social dependency.

“I always wanted to be around people. Was scared of spending time alone. I’d do nothing by myself. I depended on my social circle which I realized was not a good thing because it made me have less belief in myself.”

“My friends were responsible for making decisions for me even those that required me to just decide on my own. It’s like they were seated on the driver’s seat of my life.”

“Solitude has helped me to have emotional balance and to also tame my stress levels,” he emphasizes.

Others like Rose,23, chose solitude to keep off unhealthy relationships.

“I have experienced a cycle of unhealthy romantic relationships before. I always thought getting into new relationships would make me escape toxic and violent men. I kept on attracting the same kind of men. Had to pause and made a decision to spend time alone to figure out what the issue is.”

“Right now, I need no man. I just want to spend time alone, get to know me better, see a therapist and be in tune with myself,” she adds.

Unlike Peter and Rose, Fred,28, says that solitude may only be beneficial to those who are intentional about it. He says lack of intentionality may make one to lean into depression.

“Solitude is a great period especially to people who have undergone quite a number of trauma or bad experiences. But it really needs a lot of intentionality, otherwise at some point your own thoughts may overwhelm you and you’ll find yourself even thinking of suicide,” he says.

“For a very long time, I haven’t been a good friend, a good brother or son. Been finding it so hard to keep relationships. The friends that I have had before were good. I used to avoid being close with me. The fact that I kept losing relationships after a short time made me to delve into solitude.”

“At first, my solitude wasn’t intentional. I’d just withdraw and not talk to people. I used to blame myself for every person I lost instead of figuring out what is making me not to maintain relationships. I was suicidal the first time I tried solitude but luckily I spoke to a therapist who helped me navigate that period and to handle it with intentionality,” he narrates.

Lilian Kasanga, a counselling psychologist says solitude is a personal choice. It should not be enforced by external factors.

“If at any point someone is forced to get into a period of solitude, they can get lonely and that’s quite risky,” she says.

She also says that when solitude is handled with intentionality it can promote wellness of an individual.

“Solitude is a great period, it provides moments of introspection, self-discovery and personal growth. It allows people to delve into their thoughts and emotions, something they wouldn’t do in the presence of others.”

“It’s an opportunity to recharge, reflect on life’s complexities and to understand oneself better. I highly recommend it especially when you feel overwhelmed with what’s around you or when you feel you’ve lost yourself,” she adds.

The psychologists advocate for one to seek help when they find it hard to navigate a period of solitude.

Finding balance between the state of solitude and also maintaining the relationships you have might be quite challenging at first but it’s necessary because it enhances a fulfilling life.

“Just as it is important to spend time alone, it is also very important to spend time with others. If you find it hard to balance the two, you can come up with a routine of the days you want to spend time with friends and family,” says Kasanga.

She also urges people seeking solitude to have an accountability partner like a friend, or someone who will help them keep in check to ensure they find balance.

“In solitude, we find ourselves. When we are with others, we find purpose and belonging. Both states contribute to our generally wellbeing, enriching our lives with diverse experiences and perspectives,” says Kasanga.