Why do people breakup with perfect partners?

Finding the perfect partner in the intricate dance of relationships seems like the ultimate dream. Someone who you align with in terms of dreams, aspirations, and values, someone who brings light into your life.

Yet one may have the ‘ideal partner’ according to society, but there can still be unfulfilling. This leads to breakups and the quest continues for another partner who will fulfill their desires.

The ideal man could scare other people. For instance, when a partner gives things you’re used to asking for in a relationship - freely. The toxicity that one is used to in previous relationships is not present in this circumstance, which may make someone think it’s too good to be true.

“If you’re not consistently working on yourself such a person can repulse you. One might feel like it’s too much. If you’re not used to peace, relaxation, comfort you tend to chase the chaos,” said Robertta Bobbie on Citizen TV.

“When your entire being is focused on chaos such things may scare you. You may find a guy communicates a lot, he always calls, and because he`s on that level he also expects that reciprocation from you. If you’re not there with them you start feeling like it’s too much and start bringing your toxic traits to the relationship.”

It boils down to a common Kenyan phrase ‘Sijazoea kupendwa’. One may attribute it to the ‘Bad boy syndrome’, where one is attracted to men who don’t love them, care for them, or even do little things like gifting flowers.

Another reason why people leave ‘ideal relationships’ is pity love. This is where someone stays in a relationship because the other person is too nice and they feel bad for them if they leave. Eventually, they get tired because it doesn’t excite them anymore leading to a breakup.

Moreover, some people enjoy the toxicity of relationships hence a perfect partner would not be ideal for them. This means that they enjoy the chaos as stated earlier, and they thrive in it sort of makes the relationship spicy.

“I would want someone who excites me, someone who cheers me up, and someone who challenges me. I would not someone who is so peaceful. He can have all the good qualities but still doesn’t excite me,” said Ann Q Tee, a radio presenter.

“You may leave this person because the expectations they have you cannot meet them. Probably they’re very nice so they expect you also to be very nice.” 

“I would want someone who challenges me, not everything I do they agree with it. Usually, nice people don’t do that, everything you do they agree with you,” said Ann Q Tee.

What also greatly influences people leaving perfect partners is the change of preferences. Change the only thing constant in life also applies to relationships. One morning you may wake up and feel you have the ideal partner the next day you decide you may want someone younger or older.

“Some people may have the thought pattern of I may want to be with you till death do us part. Not everyone thinks like that. Some people say by 35, I want a younger hot partner, at 36 now I want a mature one. It’s okay to have preferences and people change their preferences as they go,” stated Bobbie.

Compatibility is also another key factor in a relationship. Things like values, kids, religion, culture and marriage are what compatibility entails. One may find the perfect partner but maybe marriage is just not in the picture for them.

“For example right now I'm childless not everyone wants that maybe my partner wants a child which for me is not a priority right now. Also, you can be perfect friends but when it reaches to matters pertaining to the heart you are just not compatible,” says Robertta.

Another reason is one may be going through healing. Maybe they’ve come from a relationship that was quite toxic and they need to heal. They may feel the need to break up with someone because they may want some space or peace or simply not want to drag the person down as they heal themselves.

Moreover one may have the feeling of inadequacy or not feeling good enough for this so-called perfect person. One may feel that this perfect partner is not good enough for them because of past trauma that they have not dealt with, hence the insecurities contribute to the breakup.

However, the downside to this is you may leave this perfect partner in such for someone or something else and regret it for a while.