The silent breakup: Why making friends after school feels like dating

 However, after the last school bell rings and the final semester comes to an end, many people experience an unfamiliar social shift with their friends, where maintaining old friendships as well as building new ones becomes difficult to achieve.

Once school is over, one’s responsibilities multiply from personal goals to work bills and family responsibilities which demand a lot of time and energy to accomplish.

 This new phase of adulting doesn’t leave enough space in one’s life to create free time for friends, brunches, and hangouts as well.

“Back in campus, we used to hang out all the time. Now everyone is just trying to chase the bag, their dreams, and stay afloat all at the same time,’’ said Joan, a 25-year-old businesswoman in Nairobi.

Apart from that, friends moving away and geographical distances have also played a part in making it harder to maintain friendships after school.

“After campus, my best friend moved to Voi for work. We talk sometimes on WhatsApp but it’s not the same as before, we grew apart from each other without even realizing it,’’ said Muasya a 26-year-old student at Kenyatta University.

Others like Michael, who shared his experience with Citizen Digital, grew apart from his friends because of change in people’s personalities as well as priority shifts.

“I used to vibe a lot with my G’s back in high school. Now looking back some are married, others are workaholics and others are deep into church.’’

Another reason as to why it’s difficult to maintain and create new friendships after school is because of mental as well as social withdrawal.

“I stopped talking and reaching out to my friends because I didn’t have the strength and energy to make and maintain conversations with anyone. Others thought I was being a snob, but in reality, I was just mentally drained from putting in effort to maintain friendships as well as create new ones at the same time,’’ said Kelvin when he was asked.

Some like Marion, 23, shared how making new friends is awkward for her because it needs a lot of effort and time which she isn’t willing to give.

“You can’t just walk up to someone and be like ‘hey, can you be my friend?’. In school either in high school or campus it was much easier because we just clicked instantly but now it’s more of you have to be on someone’s feet begging to be friends with them which just gives forced vibes.” 

In adult hood people put walls around them due to bad experiences and betrayal making trusting people to be hard as compare to when in school.

After I found out my close friend gossiped about my family problems with others at my lowest point, I realized that nobody deserves to be and have easy access to my life. Now I just keep to myself and try as much as I can not to form friendships with anyone because it’s not worth the effort”.

In the end friendships after school don’t survive on their own or by accident, they need consistent effort, understanding, and patience.

While the pressure of adulthood is real, human connections remain an important aspect for someone’s emotional, physical and mental well-being, but at the same time, the challenge of learning how to grow and maintain these friendships with the same dedication we give our careers and goals still remains.