The older the wine…? Women who have dated older men share their encounter

Gone are the days a whole street would turn heads to stare at a ‘mubaba’ (slang for older man) walking with his young partner. 

But why would this young women date older men? Is it because of circumstances or by choice? Is it because of financial gain or are they just in love with the man?  

While some are comfortable dating older men, other women who can’t even stand flirting with a ‘mubaba’, let alone dating. Is it out of personal beliefs, societal beliefs, or the embarrassment that may come with such a relationship?

Caren,32, dates men who are way older than her and she can’t date younger men. She says she really enjoys such relationships.

“The first man I dated was 10 years older than me, he was actually a married man. I really enjoyed the relationship. It was okay. It went pretty well. I have tried dating younger men after that, it didn’t work. So I prefer older men,” she notes.

She says having boundaries is important when dealing with such a man because you don’t want to be involved in his marital affairs.

“Right now, am looking for a long-term relationship because am not growing younger. I don’t mind dating a divorcee as well but I believe that there are older men who are not yet married and are also in search of younger women,” she states.

“And of course yes, financial stability or rather provision is one of the things I consider. I mean, no one wants to live a low life.”

Prisca,27, is also sailing in the same boat. She says she has dated a man who is 13 years older than her and there was so much love.

“The guy that I dated was very loving and mature. One of the reasons I dated him was because of cash. Loving him came along.”

She says that girls who are interested in dating older men should check if they have chemistry with the person. 

“Love may not be there at first but it is something that can grow with time. Sometimes such men come into our lives to uplift us,” Prisca says.

However, there are some women who haven’t dated older men before but they are open to such an experience. Some desire to date the older men as they believe they not only provide financial stability, but are also more mature and wiser. Others have a feeling that older men won’t pressurize them to have children because some already have children in place.

Zawadi,25, says that she has always wanted to date older men because age is not just a number. 

“Women mature faster than men, in terms of their reasoning. If you date someone younger, you might have challenges because of the difference in maturity levels. I don’t want to see my man as a boy or a child. I want him to see me as the child, to guide me and nurture me. This way, respect can be earned,” she says.

“It’s not always about marriage, or to prove the society right. I just need a companion, someone I can do life with. That’s more of it for me.”

For others like Neema,26, they are in search of a man who can also offer a ‘father figure’.

“Being taken care of is important. I didn’t experience fatherly love, so I would love to get it from my man. Having an older guy as a partner makes me feel so safe and comfortable just as I would feel around my dad,” she says.

On the other side is Carol,22, who vows never to date older men. To her, it brings shame and embarrassment and it will be seen as an abomination if any member of her family or church sees her with an older guy.

“I can’t date a man who is way older than me because the society will think am after money or material things. I also don’t want to because the man might expect me to behave like a grownup and am just a child,” she says.

There are women that have also dated both younger and older men. Most of them say it is a free world and therefore everyone should be allowed to choose that which works for them.

Rebecca, 25, has been in a relationship with a younger and an older guy as well. She says age doesn’t define maturity as some older men are immature while some younger men who are way mature than their actual age.

“I have tasted both sides and I have drawn a conclusion that men are just men. Age isn’t a determiner of maturity or finances. There are younger men who really do the work and have their lives planned while some older men just lazy around and have empty pockets,” she emphasizes.

“Don’t make assumptions that older men are the best. We have quite a number of younger men that are really great. Just chose your struggle.”

Marion,28, is currently dating a man who is one year older than her and she says it’s the best decision she made. 

“My current relationship is great! It allows me to be myself. My boyfriend and I learn a lot from each other and I love it,” she notes.

“I have dated a guy who is 10 years older me and I didn’t like the relationship. He was very controlling and never considered any of my decisions to be right. He kept saying am a child, I don’t know anything,” she adds.

The women prove that dating is not always about money, religion or what the society will say, it always narrows down to what an individual wants and what works for them.