Easy come, easy go? Why young couples are failing in cohabitation

Opinions on divorce and separation are divided; while some support divorce as a way to resolve unhappiness, others criticize the haste and the manner in which young people marry, have children and separate.

Peter Njuguna is a 25-year-old father of two. At his age, he has cohabited with two young women under the presumption of marriage. Eleven months later, the couples had to deal with the harsh reality of their differences leading to their separation.

According to him, the first marriage did not work out. His partner moved out, leaving the child behind. When his daughter turned one year, things got worse between the couple.

“We never seemed to agree on anything and life with her just become unbearable. She moved in the moment found out that she was expectant. She left the baby with me claiming that when we met, she did not have one so she would not carry the child with her,” he explained.

His current partner moved in with him soon after the first one left, at only 23. She had to assume the role of a wife and a mother without being married and with little experience to survive in the new territory.

Njuguna says their fights turned into emotional abuse as they both insulted and belittle each other, something he regrets to date. The couple separated, with the lady leaving with a pregnancy. 

“We did not fight much at the beginning but it intensified the moment she got pregnant and she left me,” he says.

Njuguna is among couples experiencing the “green divorce or separation’’. A term commonly used to refer to separation that occur within the first five years of marriage or cohabitation with the intent to marry.

Sociologist Gladys Mburu explains trend of short marriages among young people, attributing many separations to lifestyle conflicts and differing viewpoints.

Mburu says a significant number of individuals lack the essential skills required to build and maintain stable families.

"In many cases, individuals rush into marriage without fully understanding their partner. They often make impulsive decisions without carefully weighing the potential risks involved,’ she states

She highlights that for many young adults, especially those in their early twenties, navigating personal independence while simultaneously starting a family can be challenging.

 "Some couples view divorce or separation as the only viable solution when crises arise," she explains.

Moreover, the influence of social media has contributed to the normalization of quick separations, framing them not as failures but as popular trends. This shift in perception can lead to hasty decisions.

The sociologist advises young people to approach marriage with a deeper sense of commitment. She encourages thorough preparation, including acquiring parenting skills and attending pre-marital counselling sessions.

 "It's essential for couples to agree on core principles and living arrangements to minimize conflicts," she notes.

While acknowledging that every individual’s circumstances are unique, Mburu suggests that optimal ages for marriage are between 25 to 29 for women and 28 to 33 for men, when individuals are typically more mature and financially stable.