Dreams deferred: The emotional toll of choosing a career to please parents

Career choices are often seen as one of the most pivotal decisions in an individual’s life. They shape the future, influence financial security, and contribute to personal fulfillment. However, in many cultures, the weight of making the "right" career choice can be compounded by an external force: parental pressure.

Parental pressure on career choices has been a longstanding issue across the globe, with parents desiring their children to follow paths that they believe will guarantee success. While this pressure can stem from a place of love and concern, it can have significant consequences on a young person's mental well-being, self-identity, and future satisfaction.

The pressure often arises from a deep-seated desire to ensure a child’s stability and success in the future. In many cases, parents see fields like medicine, law or engineering as more "prestigious" or financially rewarding than others because of their perceived status. In cultures where academic achievement and professional success are heavily valued, parents may see these paths as the safest route for their children’s future.

Simon Mwongela, a 73-year-old parent, says some parents have had to sacrifice their own dreams and ambitions for the sake of family stability. “To them, it is sacrifices they have made for their children, others may have grown up with fewer opportunities themselves and now see their children as having the potential to reach higher heights. Regardless of the reasons, the pressure to follow a specific career path is often more about the parents’ hopes and fears than the child’s interests and aspirations,” he notes.

While parents have the best intentions, their pressure can create significant emotional strain on their children, leading them to inadequate feelings, anxiety, and resentment. When a child feels as though they are living someone else’s dream rather than their own, it can hinder their ability to find true passion and fulfillment in their career.

Michael Ng’etich, 24-year-old student, reflects on how his parents encouraged him to pursue a career in teaching, despite it never being his own ambition.

He felt forced into the course to satisfy their wishes, after completing the degree, he handed it to his parents and returned to school to study Economics, a field he was truly passionate about.

Kimani says he regrets spending time on something he didn’t like to meet his parents’ expectations instead of pursuing his own dreams.

When children prioritize careers that align with their parents' desires, they may never fully explore their own true passions, hindering self-discovery, leading to long-term dissatisfaction, a sense of unrealized potential, and lack of confidence in their ability to make independent decisions.

“My parents were opposed to my aspirations and encouraged me to pursue Psychology. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t my true passion. One day, I woke up and realized my dream was to become a makeup artist. I made the bold decision to leave the Psychology course, which I had been studying for over two years. Now, I am studying to become a makeup artist, and I feel truly happy and fulfilled, doing what I love,” says Shakira Kaidi, a student.

When it comes to mental health, parental pressure on career choices is impactful. Studies have shown that individuals who face significant pressure from their parents regarding career decisions often experience increased levels of stress, anxiety and depression.

The fear of disappointing their parents or failing to meet high expectations can lead to feelings of guilt and worthlessness.

Psychologist Muthoni Makumi explains, "Parental pressure can exacerbate feelings of burnout in careers. A child who is pushed into a demanding profession that doesn’t align with their passions may become mentally exhausted, disengaged, and ultimately disillusioned with their work."

She further adds that this pressure could manifest in physical symptoms such as chronic fatigue, headaches, or insomnia, negatively impacting a person’s overall well-being.

Although the weight of parental pressure can be significant, there are ways to manage these expectations while maintaining one's sense of identity and personal aspirations.

Fostering open and honest communication, for starters, enables parents to understand why their child is interested in a particular career path that aligns with their interests, skills, and long-term goals; this can help bridge the gap between differing perspectives. By sharing passions and strengths, individuals can work towards finding common ground with their parents.

It’s also important to find a balance between pursuing personal ambitions and considering the concerns of loved ones. In some cases, parents may become more open to understanding their child’s career choice once they realize the decision is motivated by genuine interest rather than rebellion.

Seeking professional guidance can also be incredibly helpful in navigating the complexities of these expectations. Career counselors, mentors, or therapists can offer support in articulating goals and providing parents with a clearer understanding of their child's perspective and potential.

Finally, recognizing generational differences in views on career success is crucial. Non-traditional paths in the arts, entrepreneurship, and technology are now gaining recognition, offering valuable opportunities for success and personal fulfillment.

The ultimate goal should be for individuals to make career choices that align with their passions and talents, rather than simply to meet someone else’s expectations. A fulfilling career not only leads to personal satisfaction but also provides the opportunity to thrive in ways that contribute positively to one’s emotional and mental well-being.

Parents too must recognize that while they have a vested interest in their child’s success, they must also give them the freedom to make their own choices, even if those choices deviate from traditional paths. In an ever-changing world, the ability to choose one’s own path is essential for creating a fulfilling and meaningful life.

Parental pressure regarding career choices is an experience many individuals face, but it doesn’t have to determine their future. By fostering open communication, seeking balance, and prioritizing personal passions over societal expectations, individuals can break free from these constraints and carve their own path toward success and fulfillment.

However, true success isn’t defined by the approval of others, but by the contentment and pride one feels in their own journey.