Benjamin Zulu: Why you should never help your husband in paying dowry

In Africa, many cultural societies require a man to pay dowry for their wife as a way of cementing their union.

A marriage certificate from the church or Attorney General is not enough proof that a man has gotten a wife, or the children they have sired belong to him.

But in some cases, a man could desire to pay dowry for the woman of his life and is unable to because of financial constraints.

According to Presenter Dee, it is OK for a woman to help the man pay the dowry if they have more financial power, as long as they keep it a secret.

“If I have the money, why not give it to my husband? You find many women getting married to older people who have the money that parents want as dowry. Do you love your husband? Call him aside…give him 500,000 to take to your father, keep it as a secret between the two of you,” Presenter Dee said the Bi Msafwari show on Citizen TV.

However, her fellow panelist Benjamin Zulu warned Dee against helping a man to pay dowry.

The fierce life coach and psychologist said if a woman bears the burden of paying dowry, it becomes the beginning of a troubled marriage that lacks proper leadership from the man.

“You are helping and you will keep helping, you will keep leading. If a man cannot carry that burden, you expect him to lead you? Go for a man who is mentally ready, who can hold negotiations,” Zulu said.

He further argued that if a woman contributes to dowry payment, it creates a precedence for her to lead the marriage for life. She might become the head of the family.

“A man should try, go for a social class you can afford, do not go for a president or tycoon’s daughter whose dowry is 6 million yet you have never seen a bunch of 20,000. Go for your level,” he said.

The life coach further warned women against trying too much to be team players, but let men to be the leaders.

On her part, Bi Msafwari said when a lady pays dowry, it is like they are forcing you to marry them.

“As a woman, you should wait for a man to take responsibility, and he shouldn’t be helped by other people. He should work hard to pay it so as to know that he has something of value,” she advised.