This man Khalif Kairo: City car dealer’s ride on the fast lane gets bumpy

With the conversation oscillating around him, Kairo took the opportunity to rebrand himself and ascertain his online dominance seemingly shrugging off the business coup he had just endured and using his newfound fame to kickoff what would ultimately become the most ruthless - and vainglorious - comebacks of any Kenyan on social media.

Having just suffered a painful entrepreneurial wreckage, one would have expected the fellow to sit back, reevaluate his choices, restructure his house and retrace his steps.

However, Kairo, ever the menacing megalomaniac, wasted no time in sulking and wiping his tears - he marched forward with a tenacity and resolve which was both impressive and also disturbingly scary.

Within weeks, almost all conversations on X revolved around this tenacious business upstart who just couldn't shut up; this stunning car trader who was so smooth, so superficially sleek, he left everyone stumped and gasping for more.

In a short time, this moneyed arriviste had plastered his entire life on social media - we knew his mother, his business dealings, his inner workings, his favourite local den, his weekend escapades, his rich-boy frolics and his random romps with the city's flashiest damsels.

Quickly, he morphed from a mere car importer to a social media goblin who relished pooh-poohing his haters, parading his affluence, basking in the glory of his filthy lucre and frivolously dangling his chattels.

To Kairo, everyone was a luckless admirer of his dizzying ascent; a mere spectator into the flamboyance and swankiness his life offered, a jealous indigent who was consumed with hate and a desire to see him fall and watch his empire burn.

He quickly went from a battered man people were so genuinely rooting for to a menacing leprechaun who extolled himself above everyone else and to whom, money meant everything.

As other Kenyans would kick off Monday morning to talk about the mundane stuff they did over the weekend, Kairo would hijack the conversation to relish his minions with the helicopter rides he did on Saturday, the quick dash he did to Singapore on Sunday and the I-almost-forgot drunken revelry he indulged in on Friday evening.

It was Kairo's world and we were lucky to live in it, watch him lord over us, witness him morph into a car mogul, document his enviable climb and lucky to access a window into his classified elitism.

The dashing man born Joseph Wambui was clearly on a roll and no amount of hate - or masked criticism - would stop him or hamper his full-throttled race to the top.

On August 18, 2024, when someone berated him for claiming to be rich and yet only driving one car, he responded: "I am not rich. I'm just a humble servant of God who can only afford one Porsche. When I become rich. The signs will be there!"

With his dominance clearly cemented and solidly unchallenged, Kairo now mutated into more than just a car dealer - he was now an expert in the motor industry, dishing out spontaneous lectures on motor vehicle intricacies and even, at some point, unfurling a helicopter hire hustle, to randomly fly moneyed Kenyans from Nairobi to Thika on a boring Saturday afternoon.

It was, perhaps, his unquenchable affinity to Nairobi's 'baddies' that raised his profile even higher - and made him such a tabloid and podcast favourite, that he would consistently feature in the Instagram gossip pages for his wild sprees, velvety indulgencies and decadent cavorting.

Kairo wasn't the type to take his dates to bland lunch dates along Thika Road - he would fly them to Thailand for breakfast, reappear with them in Qatar for afternoon tea and storm New York City with them for that smooth taste of Dom Pérignon.

In one such supercilious incident, while sharing photos of him and his partner in a jet, he infamously wrote: "Wacha nikimbie hapa Asia kidogo, kuna shida kidogo nafaa kutatua..."

Then the Gen Z uprising started, giving Kairo the perfect podium to further entrench his notoriety and raise his social profile even higher.

As other Kenyans stormed Parliament, some enduring gunshot wounds, abductions and others, unfortunately, getting killed by sniper fire, Kairo would be recorded emptying a water jerrican onto himself - in a posture and aura meant to create the perfect symphony for a day of a national insurgency.

His fleeting dalliance with the anti-government movement would untimely crumble after he appeared to start warning Kenyans against hitting the streets - first, asking them to steer clear of State House and eventually, asking them to change strategy and vacate the streets.

On July 15, 2024, after one Kenyan blasted him for his sudden about-turn, he replied: "Continue destroying your country then. Those of us with strong international connections can always move and go build other countries like Somalis have done."

And then his troubles began. The Porsche-wielding car baron, who had, hitherto, appeared indestructible, and almost unconquerable, was now being hotly pursued by clients with whom he had entered into deals and somehow failed to deliver.

Rumours started flooding the online streets as accusations started flying from all corners that something was wrong inside the Khalif universe.

After being arrested and booked at the Kasarani Police station for not meeting his end of the bargain with a client, Kairo emerged seemingly unscathed, blaming his predicaments on a harsh business environment and, expectedly, promising a resounding comeback.

"Hizi challenges mnaona nikipitia are very normal in business, especially when a company is growing. Every big entrepreneur, at one point, must face litigation or money problems, especially when God is taking them to higher levels. To the ones reaching out, I am 100% okay, and I will overcome," he wrote on December 3.

Just a month later, Kairo would again be arrested on January 12, as videos circulated online.

As an unnamed male lashed out at him and repeatedly pointed fingers at him, a defiant Kairo can be heard saying; "You're not going to harass me. You wait I sort things out. You're not going to harass me..."

With some still in his corner, and others relentlessly praying for his resounding downfall, Kairo remains defiant, refusing to allow his drawbacks to affect him and, at the same time, walking with his head held high, insisting on his innocence.

Before arraignment on Monday, January 13, he wrote on X: "I declined to “negotiate”  a quick settlement as expected and instead insisted to be presented  in court today."

"I have endured significant harassment past few weeks and despite my insistence that we amicably sort issues using civil procedures, some well connected client have been using the some DCI officers to frustrate me making it even more difficult for us to conduct business and address their issues which are civil in nature and backed by commercial agreements."

"I am not a criminal but one of the many honest business owners in Kenya experiencing challenges due to tough economic times."

Kenya has had its fair share of characters who appeared out of nowhere and, in no time, arrested the attention of the public and led many into a maze of bumbling confusion and theatrics.

But nobody comes close to the masterful expertise of Khalif Kairo - from hogging the public's attention to carving himself out into the ultimate internet villain.